I've been avoiding this for some time, but the time has caught up to me. For those of you who will not be really interested in what I have to say, you can feel free to go away now if you like or hang out here and listen to a guy ramble. A few months back, I sent my my space link to friends I knew. I felt a great little pride in creating something that was all my own, and wanted to share it with others. There was really one response that stood out more than others.
My friend Ralph emailed me back and said it was cool looking, but that he was worried about me. He said "there's isn't really anything about you on there." The my inner monologue said "Really?"..lol. I felt like he was right, but only half right. The things I have on this page are the things I like and the things that make me laugh or feel some emotion about something at some time or another, in my life. Maybe I should have revealed more to my friend about the kind of guy i am inside, but at the same time, I feel like he was right. There IS something missing from this page.
I am a man tormented by the demons of my past. I was at times a very flirtatious person; at other times a very damaged person. I can be a very fragile and very emotional person, but hold it in deep down inside so that in most cases, you would never know I was ready to spit on you or spray paint your car. I have Attention Deficit Disorder; a fact well documented, but hardly brought up. If I forget your birthday, believe me, it's not on purpose. I just have a disorder that makes me into an asshole.
A lot of times I can be lazy and I think for myself only when it benefits me in the privacy of my home, but out in public I have a funny side. I can be very generous and attentive. I often refer to myself as every one's personal shrink. I can feel very helpless, alone and self-destructive at the same time.
I am also ADHD. I have a tendency to be drawn to the more addictive side of life. I can be addicted to sex, or alcohol, but I can never see myself as a coke-head or a meth head or a heroine junkie because the thought of snorting ANYTHING up my nose has diverted me from that for years, and I am completely phobic about needles. Even smoking is out for me because I went through a few smoke inhalation moments in my life, and don't really fancy the idea of breathing in smoke, although there were times I had done it when i was feeling mischievous, just so i can say I lived a little. I usually tend to stick to the easy stuff, like sex, alcohol, or food. I label food, sex, and alcohol"The silent addictions."
My friend Ralph was never exposed to that very much for two reasons. 1. I never thought he was that interested because he's a very head strong, very serious kind of guy, and like us all, lives in his own world and views it a certain way. 2. We haven't really "hung out" together without our friends around for several years, so I don't expect him to know the real me completely, because like season's, people change a lot. He sees me and my family as the same ole people, but they're not. It's funny that when I hang out with him in the brief times we have together, I revert right back to being the same guy he knew before for him, and for me, which doesn't really help him see me for who I really am.
My family has changed. We have lost precious loved one's who played HUGE roles in our lives in the years that he and others knew us well. We have seen the worst of financial situations these past 5 years, and we have gotten closer as a unit. it's funny how people can remember you a certain way, but we all never realize just how different we really are after just a few years. As for my friend, I can only say this. I am sorry we have drifted apart for so long. You have your world, and I have mine. Hopefully, we will meet one day as Old friends, yet new people. For where I used to be sad and depressed, time has made me better, stronger, and more able to roll with the punches. I can only hope the same for my good friend in their lifetime.
My friend Ralph emailed me back and said it was cool looking, but that he was worried about me. He said "there's isn't really anything about you on there." The my inner monologue said "Really?"..lol. I felt like he was right, but only half right. The things I have on this page are the things I like and the things that make me laugh or feel some emotion about something at some time or another, in my life. Maybe I should have revealed more to my friend about the kind of guy i am inside, but at the same time, I feel like he was right. There IS something missing from this page.
I am a man tormented by the demons of my past. I was at times a very flirtatious person; at other times a very damaged person. I can be a very fragile and very emotional person, but hold it in deep down inside so that in most cases, you would never know I was ready to spit on you or spray paint your car. I have Attention Deficit Disorder; a fact well documented, but hardly brought up. If I forget your birthday, believe me, it's not on purpose. I just have a disorder that makes me into an asshole.
A lot of times I can be lazy and I think for myself only when it benefits me in the privacy of my home, but out in public I have a funny side. I can be very generous and attentive. I often refer to myself as every one's personal shrink. I can feel very helpless, alone and self-destructive at the same time.
I am also ADHD. I have a tendency to be drawn to the more addictive side of life. I can be addicted to sex, or alcohol, but I can never see myself as a coke-head or a meth head or a heroine junkie because the thought of snorting ANYTHING up my nose has diverted me from that for years, and I am completely phobic about needles. Even smoking is out for me because I went through a few smoke inhalation moments in my life, and don't really fancy the idea of breathing in smoke, although there were times I had done it when i was feeling mischievous, just so i can say I lived a little. I usually tend to stick to the easy stuff, like sex, alcohol, or food. I label food, sex, and alcohol"The silent addictions."
My friend Ralph was never exposed to that very much for two reasons. 1. I never thought he was that interested because he's a very head strong, very serious kind of guy, and like us all, lives in his own world and views it a certain way. 2. We haven't really "hung out" together without our friends around for several years, so I don't expect him to know the real me completely, because like season's, people change a lot. He sees me and my family as the same ole people, but they're not. It's funny that when I hang out with him in the brief times we have together, I revert right back to being the same guy he knew before for him, and for me, which doesn't really help him see me for who I really am.
My family has changed. We have lost precious loved one's who played HUGE roles in our lives in the years that he and others knew us well. We have seen the worst of financial situations these past 5 years, and we have gotten closer as a unit. it's funny how people can remember you a certain way, but we all never realize just how different we really are after just a few years. As for my friend, I can only say this. I am sorry we have drifted apart for so long. You have your world, and I have mine. Hopefully, we will meet one day as Old friends, yet new people. For where I used to be sad and depressed, time has made me better, stronger, and more able to roll with the punches. I can only hope the same for my good friend in their lifetime.
1 comment:
thanx guy
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