MERRY CHRISTMAS! ..A Message!

**I sent this email to a friend who emailed me, attempting to communicate. This is what I sent back. i hope you enjoy the message, and that you see some truth in it for yourselves. MERRY CHRISTMAS!***

You Know ....

I had some harsh thoughts about you before. I'm sure you've had some about me. Something I have learned over time, is that we hold ourselves back from so many things that we love. There was a time when I looked to you for advice and guidance, and you always had the best things to say. it isn't in the mistakes we've made with one another, it's about that fact that we were privileged enough to have experienced them as two friends. Isn't it interesting that with time, we all realize that no one person is more lost or more found, we are all just part of this race. A race to get to no where fast. It doesn't mean that everything we do in life is all for not, it just means that we don't really see the bigger picture until we really do stop and smell the roses.

There was a time when I felt like you left me behind and that you didn't really care about me anymore. In the time since, I have come to understand what growth is, and what change is. I see myself where I am, and always expected others to like and accept me for it, never realizing that the real problem was I didn't accept MYSELF, and that it didn't make a fuck really what others thought, just that if I ever could form a logical thought in my head, people would be more impressed....OR maybe not, regardless, I would at least have had an identity.

I was a leech. A one man pity party. I was someone that was so busy feeling sorry for myself, that I couldn't see what I had right in front of me. having said that, being in the band this time has changed my perspective of the world. My band mates are my best friends. Mark and I sit outside my house and talk for hours about people, life, and all the fucked up things we've done to ourselves and to others, and we really listen. My friend Michael and i have breathed life into a friendship that never was, into one that has become. We have great moments of synchronicity and clarity. We all really care to listen and be heard. I've come to realize that all I ever really wanted was love, and acceptance. I got the love from home, but it was more like ..you be this and I'll love you, otherwise, you're just a bad ass little fucker that needs a good beating.

You saved me from a lot of moments in my life when i was at the threshold of insanity. Who knows what kind of a fucking psycho serial killer I could have ended up being had it not been for my draw of occasional logic from you. All that being said, I still fuck up. I am still too fucking fat to be eating at barnhills..lol. But I have come a long way. I'm no longer self deprecating and delusional. I no longer need or require someone's approval, and I love everyone's acceptance. When people use the mind control BS I just look at them now, and shake my head, because I know that they just don't get it, so why should I waste my time? But educating my soul, and filling my heart back up with my OWN inner peace, my Own inner acceptance and joy have become a great part of who I am now, and since I have accepted it, I find myself reaching out to people more and more, and being genuine when it calls for it, and just going with the flow when they're talking out of their asses, or trying to run away and hide from love and themselves.

I'm not that boy you left behind so long ago. I have no ego that's big enough to bruise. I no longer fear being alone or dying. I don't NEED people, but you know, it sure as shit is good to have them in my life...more like a blessing. I know all this babbling may come as a surprise for you, because when was the last time I said anything with meaning that really caught your eye, or at least made you interested enough to keep reading? My point really is just to let you know I am GLAD you got away from ANYTHING that is causing Chaos. There's already too much confusion. You have worried a long time about if what you were doing was "the right thing" because it was hard for you to get the people in your life to be interested enough to make a "sound" and "non-personal" observation.

You've moved and sought other destinations because you were really only looking for change. Change is different for everyone, and one formula may work for one person, and not for the other one. The point is that change is the constant. Bob Dylan said.."He not busy being born, is busy dying." Being born is obviously change. I am always happy to see that you have renewed your life and that you have changed your surroundings, and to see that you have made such strides in your life to better yourself. You were always the strongest one, and no one will ever be able to take that from you.

I am just glad that you are taking care of yourself, and your love have finally come to a threshold of knowing the value of a real relationship and what it is all really about. No one is perfect, but we serve a perfect God, and we have a perfect love. Love is patient, love is kind. love is not envious or proud. It isn't rude and self seeking. Love is not easily provoked and has no evil intentions. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in TRUTH. Love protects, trusts, Love stands the test of time.... Love never fails.

I love you. I hope that time has forgotten our regrets, faults, inadequacies, idiosyncrasies, misfortunes, misconducts, and miscommunications. I hope to see you too, and I hope that we see each other differently, no matter what our sack of flesh says, no matter what time can throw at us. No matter what may come our way, that we as friends, will continue to stand the test of time. Be good to yourself; be good to your lover.

And I'll see you soon.

~Robert

Running away to some place insane.

A friend told me they were moving away to Asia because they wanted to work as a volunteer helping others in need, while the prospect sounds self - improving he added.. "And I want to go there and forget who I am, and leave everything behind. I want to get away because I think I am slipping into insanity, because I dont want to be materialistic, yet I need money to survive, and I just want to get away from all of this." Maybe everyone will understand where I am going with this, but this is my take on that way of thinking.

"You know we can't simply wave away the pain with a magic wand. The things that we carry with us are the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves." ~ James Kirk

To simply throw it all away is to erase ourselves from life. I dont see anything about us that needs erasing...even though I have never met many of you. Money is a neccesary evil. IF you have found means to survive without it, then perhaps it is the clensing you need since you know yourself better than I. ...and If going to Asia makes you happy, and helping others is suffient for your soul than so be it, but to say you dont want to be who you are is an impossbile feet that no man can change, and it will surely wheel him to the empty parking lot of life.

Even in the darkest, most quiet night, the mind speaks to us, and reminds us of where we have been, and who we are. If you are indeed starting a new life, unlearn what you have learned, but keep those lessons u have learned in your heart for they will not make you bitter, but will be handy in a moment when life is giving you difficult circumstances.

We all have much in common. It is sad when someone tells you that they are willing to void all of those parallels. I see in us all, the treasure that we long to attain, and one day... When all of my friends are tired of chasing the dragon, I will be here, ever ready to embrace you with my mind and heart, friend.

"Insanity is just the mind freeing itself, but then over indulging in it's rewards." ~Robert Hammac

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! and MUCH LOVE..

Robert

Asthma! Since it's in my life, here we go!

Learned a little about myself here! Please read this! thanks.

According to the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, on any given day 40,000 people miss school or work due to asthma -- a condition involving the respiratory system that occasionally constricts and inflames airwaves. The good news? People can help prevent an asthma attack by anticipating triggers and paying attention to which triggers, even the most unusual ones, create the most severe flares.

Eggs, fish and soy products -- oh my! Although specific healthy foods are certainly good for us, for allergy sufferers they may also create an asthmatic trigger. Dr. Rosenstreich explains, "Once you ingest them, they cause a release of chemicals on your airwaves that make it worse. This triggers the cells that cause asthma."

According to Keith Berndtson, M.D., founder/medical director of Park Ridge MultiMed, an integrative medicine practice near Chicago, traffic pollutants can trigger asthma attacks. "CARS, TRUCKS and buses emit exhaust that contains gases, chemicals and particulates that CAN IRRITATE the airways in ways that produce wheezing and coughing. Polluted air can trigger episodes in people with asthma. Smog, humidity and thunderstorms got you down? Dr. Berndtson explains, "Reports of asthma outbreaks following thunderstorms have been reported in various areas around the world. The best working hypothesis to explain this phenomenon is that seasonal timing and storm conditions must be just right for this to happen. If the dust or particulate content of the air is increased at the same time that grass or tree pollens are being released, pollen concentrations may increase ten- to twenty-fold over usual conditions. If storm airflows sweep these particles to ground level, people with asthma can react with severe wheezing and coughing."

Put on a few pounds? Believe it or not, this can impact asthma sufferers and those who previously had no symptoms. "Gaining even five pounds within a year can increase the risk of developing asthma or cause people with poorly controlled asthma to get worse. The steroid inhalers and oral steroid medications used to treat persistent asthma of both types can cause a small percentage of sufferers to gain weight as a side effect," explains Dr. Berndtson.

Scents

Whether it's PERFUME, COLOGNE, CLEANING SUPPLIES, new carpets or AIR FRESHENERS, ANY source of airborne scented chemicals can trigger asthma. Dr. Berndston notes, "While this is more likely to occur in people with inrinsic asthma, people with extrinsic asthma are sometimes susceptible to these triggers as well. As with various unscented sources of air pollution, scented airborne irritants are capable of triggering episodes in people with both forms of asthma."

Offices

Sure, you may feel "allergic" to the office at times, but physical work environments may pose multiple risks to asthma sufferers. Dr. Berndtson notes, "Your asthma flare may have been triggered by the morning commute on an ozone-alert day, the receptionist's perfume, the new carpet in the conference room or the memo that put you in charge of a high profile project with an impossible deadline."

Laughter!

Laughter is the best medicine, but for asthma sufferers, it could also be a main culprit contributing to the asthmatic condition. "Hard laughter can cause mild episodes in up to 50 percent of people with asthma. These episodes are more likely to include coughing, in addition to wheezing. Anything that produces hyperventilation can trigger an asthma flare-up in people with poorly controlled asthma," says Dr. Berndtson.

Work out!

Considering some people only get asthma when they exercise, imagine what happens when the exercise intensifies. "People who are non-asthmatic don't feel it at all, but the irritation appears to be due to breathing in cold, dry air. It dries out the airwaves and causes them to constrict." For instance, cross-country skiers will be more prone to asthma than those who surf.

Aspirin

Got a headache? Although aspirin will only bother a fraction of asthma sufferers, as a rule it's a word of caution to all asthmatics. "Some people appear to be much more sensitive than other people," notes Dr. Rosenstreich. "Aspirin makes the body produce a chemical that makes asthma worsen."

Nighttime

Dr. David Rosenstreich, director of the Division of Allergy and Immunology in the Department of Medicine at Montefiore Medical Center, indicates that many people are allergic to things like dust mites. "When they lie down they breathe in these things; it makes it worse. Plus, in general our airwaves tend to restrict at night."

***Well, wasnt that educational? It was for me! I thought I was imagining all these things and thought like others around me that I was just "over reacting."...lol. I am ALLERGIC TO THE WHOLE WORLD!! Someone call Michael Jackson and see if he still has that Oxygen Chamber? I might buy it and live there!!

I'm back.. and better than ever!!!

HEY ALL! I have missed being on here and sending new blogs. i first of all would like to say that I am so glad to have remembered my password, because that was the biggest reason I haven't been on here..lol. 2nd, I have been really busy with the Civilized Natives and their ever fluctuating band member revolving door..lol. We have a new great drummer, named Mike, and he really plays well. I am excited because this will open doors for more gigs, and more gigs means more music and fun with friends, and more paychecks...thank God!! I have since dated a guy named Tim, and broke up with him because he was a sham artist, and I am now seeing this guy named Patrick. hes really a sweet guy and we have so much in common its "scarily comfortable." So far we haven't done anything to F it up, so so far, so good...lol. I have been spending more time with such great, spiritual and like-minded individuals like Mark, Patrick, Nick, and a brief few others in my life, and it has been really enriching and fulfilling to be seemingly back to normal again, and thank GOD that only took me to my 30's before i realized I needed change in my life. I have been through a lot since my epiphany just two years ago, when my life was totally turned around by the realization that I am an OK guy, and that's good enough for me. I have been truly blessed along the way, and to see so many of my friends going through similar things as we journey through life has just been a real eye opener after going through a lot of it myself!I will be posting more blogs here after this because i have admittedly been away too long, and have so much to say..lol Hope that those out there who read my crap will continue to fan the flames for me! Much love and I will be back here again soon with some more dirt!!!Love, ~Robert AKA GimNeye

Queer Eye for the Queer Guy!!

OH MY GAWD! I soo had a religious experience at like 230am in the morning! I was watching TV, and you know those Queer Eye for the Straight Guy people? OH MAN! I was watching Kathy Griffin stand up, and she was talking about them, and how she paraded around with them and stuff and said she loves her fag boyfriends. Now, i started thinking "why doesn't anyone think of me that way? You know, throwing a little pity party (party of one, no alcoholic beverages please!), and I started really thinking you know?....I am a gay man, and I don't have a gay bone in my WHOLE BODY!!!
And OH MY GAWD , there's always the whole fat issue I could harp on til even Micky D's is like FOR GAWD SAKE! WE'RE SWITCHING TO VEGETABLE OIL!, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! But missing the fashion train is a whole other thing! Well you know what I mean. I talk about the cock; I'm not shy. I am even listening the this very gay techno version of Sweet Caroline...a Neil Diamond classic that was butchered for flaring asses on dance floors everywhere! So, I am gay yes, but I am talking more about my fashion sense.....I HAVE NONE! I am AS WE SPEAK, wearing black baggy huge ass shorts that I have to tie off with a belt to keep from looking like I am desperate, and wearing a CAMO colored T shirt! Now the lesbians would be totally in love if I just added an army hat and got a tattoo of Betty Page on my arm. I would have dates for decades! But does this sound like something a gay man would be caught dead in?
I was even thinking to myself...MAN they have the whole Queer Eye for the straight guy, where the hell is MY show? I need a fucking make over!!! I am having a fashion EMERGENCY! Somebody call the RODEO DRIVE 911!!! If I stood next to Versace's grave to take a tourist picture, he would dig HIMSELF up, and say BITCH PLEASE...NOT IN THAT OUTFIT! I mean, what to do, right? Why can't those hot boys make a show for me called Queer Eye for the Queer with NO eyes?..(grin)
I guess til someone helps me with my ass and my vision, I will just be sitting here in slippers, curlers, and camos eating hoho's and ding dongs...and i don't mean the fun one's. Meanwhile, your contribution would help. For just pennies a day, you too can save this queen from the brink of extinction. Please do it for the children! if not for them, then for their gay brothers vision. Please call today! 1-869-WAT-D'HELL.. A fag with no fashion sense is waiting for love from you!
(Disclaimer~This blog is not supported or endorsed by any of the above mentioned parties, unless they are on a mission from God to save me from sure fucking self-destruction.)

"The road well traveled by no one signifigant" by Robert Hammac

(To avoid legal entanglements,certain names have been given new spelling or changed. This is a short story I wrote for Julie.)

I was traveling through the Forrest drunk on fish grease, when I came across a clefted foot midget,. After he cleaned himself off he asked me for 33 cents. I gave it to him reluctantly, and he told me he was lost. So I pointed him in the direction I was going and we went our separate ways. I used stilts to get through the AA meeting on the back of my grandmas trailer. She smelled like cabbage and she farted from her eyes the words GO HOME YOU FUCKING IDIOT, YOU'RE DRUNK!! I staggered out with her heart felt encouragement and when I got to the side of the highway, there was JERNIE!! They were stranded on the roadside and hadn't seen their bookie in years. They were heading to Uranus but they couldn't get the stains out. I got in and we started sailing to Dead Mans island where they have a really great disco/tiki lounge and a scary theme park ride for headless kids who had optic blisters. Julie, the manager, said that she was hosting Nik Diamund and the Smooth Toenz they said they needed the gig because they wanted to get treatment for understanding the addiction they had for clubbing baby seals and urinating on their fresh corpses. She also informed us that she was serving Nhyquille daquerries 2 for 1, so after we got liquored up on raid chasers, we decided to have a battle of the bands because after all I was with fucking JERNIE!! !!knurd ton era uoy neht, siht daer nac uoy If.
To get the lead singer, Steeve Peerie warmed up, Julie dragged him behind a truck for 10 miles, while he was standing on 2 skate boards that she had duck taped to his feet because she wanted him to landski. She was preparing him for her big Ester Williams number she was going to make him perform for her later at her place. She drove him to an office supply store where she painted a Hitler mustache on him and painted his eye lids with white out. She shoved a magic marker up his dick to keep him nice and hard, not for the groupies but for her for later, because he knew he was her personal bitch and he liked it. She brought him back in a leather mask and unzipped the mouth zipper so he could sing, then she made him blow her waiter and drink a gasoline jello shot because she was out of alcohol. We of course rocked the fucking walls down as Steeve Perrie started singing really high and shot cum from his throat and set the place on fire, everyone else died, so we won!The prize was a life time subscription for a resort that encourages fucking baby seals because its more environmentally kind. I opted out of course! Mykal Jaczon was in town, and I knew I could meet one of his fans and buy a donkey. I will never forget that Tuesday. The End.