(To avoid legal entanglements,certain names have been given new spelling or changed. This is a short story I wrote for Julie.)
I was traveling through the Forrest drunk on fish grease, when I came across a clefted foot midget,. After he cleaned himself off he asked me for 33 cents. I gave it to him reluctantly, and he told me he was lost. So I pointed him in the direction I was going and we went our separate ways. I used stilts to get through the AA meeting on the back of my grandmas trailer. She smelled like cabbage and she farted from her eyes the words GO HOME YOU FUCKING IDIOT, YOU'RE DRUNK!! I staggered out with her heart felt encouragement and when I got to the side of the highway, there was JERNIE!! They were stranded on the roadside and hadn't seen their bookie in years. They were heading to Uranus but they couldn't get the stains out. I got in and we started sailing to Dead Mans island where they have a really great disco/tiki lounge and a scary theme park ride for headless kids who had optic blisters. Julie, the manager, said that she was hosting Nik Diamund and the Smooth Toenz they said they needed the gig because they wanted to get treatment for understanding the addiction they had for clubbing baby seals and urinating on their fresh corpses. She also informed us that she was serving Nhyquille daquerries 2 for 1, so after we got liquored up on raid chasers, we decided to have a battle of the bands because after all I was with fucking JERNIE!! !!knurd ton era uoy neht, siht daer nac uoy If.
To get the lead singer, Steeve Peerie warmed up, Julie dragged him behind a truck for 10 miles, while he was standing on 2 skate boards that she had duck taped to his feet because she wanted him to landski. She was preparing him for her big Ester Williams number she was going to make him perform for her later at her place. She drove him to an office supply store where she painted a Hitler mustache on him and painted his eye lids with white out. She shoved a magic marker up his dick to keep him nice and hard, not for the groupies but for her for later, because he knew he was her personal bitch and he liked it. She brought him back in a leather mask and unzipped the mouth zipper so he could sing, then she made him blow her waiter and drink a gasoline jello shot because she was out of alcohol. We of course rocked the fucking walls down as Steeve Perrie started singing really high and shot cum from his throat and set the place on fire, everyone else died, so we won!The prize was a life time subscription for a resort that encourages fucking baby seals because its more environmentally kind. I opted out of course! Mykal Jaczon was in town, and I knew I could meet one of his fans and buy a donkey. I will never forget that Tuesday. The End.
To get the lead singer, Steeve Peerie warmed up, Julie dragged him behind a truck for 10 miles, while he was standing on 2 skate boards that she had duck taped to his feet because she wanted him to landski. She was preparing him for her big Ester Williams number she was going to make him perform for her later at her place. She drove him to an office supply store where she painted a Hitler mustache on him and painted his eye lids with white out. She shoved a magic marker up his dick to keep him nice and hard, not for the groupies but for her for later, because he knew he was her personal bitch and he liked it. She brought him back in a leather mask and unzipped the mouth zipper so he could sing, then she made him blow her waiter and drink a gasoline jello shot because she was out of alcohol. We of course rocked the fucking walls down as Steeve Perrie started singing really high and shot cum from his throat and set the place on fire, everyone else died, so we won!The prize was a life time subscription for a resort that encourages fucking baby seals because its more environmentally kind. I opted out of course! Mykal Jaczon was in town, and I knew I could meet one of his fans and buy a donkey. I will never forget that Tuesday. The End.
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